Trump Demands Staff Get King Of Hormuz On Line

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Published: March 16, 2026

SATIRE

WASHINGTON—In a bid to regain access to the sea passage through which ships enter the Persian Gulf, President Donald Trump ordered staff to get the King of Hormuz on the line, White House sources confirmed Monday. “Put me on with the royal leader of Hormuz, ASAP—I need to convince him to reopen his water,” said the commander-in-chief, assuring aides they must have the royal family’s contact information somewhere since he’d spoken to the Crown Prince of Hormuz many times before.

“I plan to warn him that he doesn’t want to take his chances on a war between Hormuz and America. After all, we are two of the world’s greatest superpowers and have long-standing diplomatic ties. I remember him being a very reasonable guy, so I am simply going to remind him what happened when Mr. Panama tried to test me.” Trump added that if he did not hear back from the King of Hormuz within 24 hours, he would have no choice but to attack the capital, Hormuz City.

https://theonion.com/trump-demands-staff-get-king-of-hormuz-on-line/

[rurallib]

1. very believable -

[rampartd]

2. sir (tears in my eyes), you are the king of hormuz ......

&list=RDQ7kA5qDOUHE&start_radio=1

[Pinback]

3. "The Hormutians, they love their king."

"Very sharp guy, bunch of wives, huge ballroom. They say his ballroom is almost as big as mine. King Alhambra, great guy. I just need to talk some sense into him."

[mwmisses4289]

4. I wasn't sure this was satire at first.

Entirely too believable from t.

[Emile]

5. I know, it's hard to tell anymore.

[milestogo]

6. I suspect that Susie Wiles is a paid informant for The Onion

and that this actually happened.

[LetMyPeopleVote]

7. I love the Onion