Dog Must Make Split-Second Decision Whether To Kill Or Show Tummy To Visitor

[Zorro]

MEMPHIS, TN—Immediately conducting a risk assessment after he heard the doorbell ring, local dog Toby was reportedly forced Wednesday to make a split-second decision about whether to kill or show his tummy to an unknown visitor.

“I really love getting scritchy-scratchies on my tumtum, but if this guy is dangerous, then the safer bet is to slaughter him,” said the 3-year-old pit bull mix, barking ferociously but also wagging his tail as he raced off the couch toward the stranger standing in the doorway.

“He’s smiling at me! I should roll over and present my belly. But maybe that’s what he wants me to do. This could be a ruse to win my affection before killing me, attacking my family, and stealing all my food. I should maul him.”

At press time, reports confirmed the dog opted to enact a maneuver he learned from the family’s cat that involved accepting the belly rub and then spinning around to bite the man’s hand.

https://theonion.com/dog-must-make-split-second-decision-whether-to-kill-or-show-tummy-to-visitor/