Spurious News: Trump rebuked by International Olympic Committee for demanding all-new sport!
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LAUSANNE, SWITZERLAND (Spurious News Network) -- The International Olympic Committee recently received a letter from King Donald Trump demanding they add what he described as a "completely new and very exciting" sport he named Trumpball.
"Dear International Olympic Committee," Trump's letter began, "as the president of the only good nation on earth I demand you put a brand new sport into the Olympics and play it at the 2026 Winter Games in the terrible nation of Italy.
"The new sport is called Trumpball, and it is a combination of three great sports: ice skating, golf and boxing. Teams of six players all wearing ice skates will carry golf clubs onto the ice and try to shoot golf balls into cups at each end of the ice rink. Players, who will all be heterosexual Christian men, will settle their arguments by holding fist fights on the rink. Trumpball is such a great sport everyone in the world will play it and watch it, even more than soccer, and if the International Olympic Committee still wants America's money it will be in this year's Olympics."
The International Olympic Committee returned a one-sentence refusal: "Listen close you dumb shit, you just fucking described hockey."
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