I don't know what to do.

[LuckyCharms]

I spent two hours in tears last night. I was watching family reunion videos from 1987 and 1988.

All my cousins, aunts and uncles...all alive. They're all dead now...most of them. My mother too...she was in there...her big laugh and gorgeous smile.

I have a lot of unresolved trauma. I've had it since my dad passed in 1970. I should have taken care of this years ago via intensive therapy...but I didn't, and now I'm paying the price. I'm living in a particular kind of hell right now.

My parents made me go to funerals when I was a kid. I've probably been to 200 funerals, and they never bothered me. Now? I start blubbering when I even think about someone dying. I try to do the right thing and go to funerals, but when I do, I end up ugly crying and having to walk out. But I go anyway, out of a sense of duty and respect.

My mother died in 2012. I watched her die. I watched my in-laws die. I held my father-in-law in my arms as he passed. I was the only one with him. He was in hospice that morning, and it was the same month and day that my father had died, 39 years earlier. I had a premonition and rushed to the hospice...

I took that "like a man" (sarcasm) and watched my mother die 3 years later after having been her caretaker for years, with no support from my siblings. From that point on, I have not been able to handle death at all.

I'm typing this because...my dog's back legs are giving out completely now and I think it is time to put him down. He's panting in pain. The Gabapentin did not work. He's 15 years old in a few weeks. There is no vet available around here until tomorrow, unless we drive him an hour away up to Cornell. I'm praying for a miracle that this is temporary, but I don't think so.

I'm a fully grown man, and I can't handle this. The death of pets hits me harder than the death of humans. I feel like I'm losing my mind and will end up in a mental hospital.

I haven't been around much here, and probably won't be. I'm trying to stay strong for my wife, and there's no one in my real life that is going to listen to my whines and comfort me.

So, sorry for the trauma dump.

I feel like I'm 12 years old again.

If i knew before I was born that life was full of so much suffering, I would not have wanted to be born at all.

I feel like my life has been a performance, and I feel like I'm weak.

Please say a prayer or spare a thought for my good boy.

Thanks for reading.

[regnaD kciN]

1. So sorry...

[alwaysinasnit]

2. You are not alone. We have all had devastating hurts and we can empathize with you.

[The Roux Comes First]

3. I'm Very Sorry About This, LuckyCharms. That is a Lot to Go Through, Male, Female, Adult, or Child.

As with you, loss of a pet is almost worse for me than the loss of a relative. I perceive that at least a good part of that is the narrow bandwidth we typically share. You can't express your remorse and regret, they can end up in so much discomfort that their unconditional love can be fleeting.

You will get through this. Don't be shy about sharing your feelings. It's the next best thing to proper, timely grieving.

[Niagara]

4. Dearest Lucky

I'm so sorry to read about your good boy.

It's difficult losing them. It's never easy as they're a part of the family. It's also difficult to comfort those who have felt that lose. Please know that we're here for you.

I'm sending an abundance of love and positive vibes to you and your family. ❤️

Please be well.

[Easterncedar]

5. Grief will always come out

Cry and scream if you need to. And tell us about it. Lots of sympathy here

[erronis]

6. I'm so sorry for your pain, Lucky Charms. But I am so glad that you've been part of my life

through your writings and telling us about your life - the ups and the downs.

I'm sending virtual hugs and hope you can find some real ones nearby!

[Haggard Celine]

7. The best thing about life is that it's short.

It flies by for most of us. I don't know why we're born, but I think it's important to do good things, and you have done a lot for others. So just know that you have led a good life and before you know it, it'll all be over. Take care of yourself, too, Lucky Charms, and try to enjoy the time you have left.

[surfered]

8. Our pets are family

[mwmisses4289]

9. All i have to offer you is a cyber 🫂

Be kind to yourself and your loved ones, and take care.

[mtairyguy]

10. I hpoe you can keep him as pain free as

…possible. I hope that he is able to see you as he transitions. I think that would be a comfort.

My black lab Brody was looking at me as he went to sleep. He passed while sleeping. I can see his eyes even though he died in 2017.

I can feel the love in your words. I know your guy can too!

[JMCKUSICK]

11. Gladly LuckyCharms,

I know exactly how you feel.
I've struggled with similar unresolved trauma and yes, we're kind of stuck in an emotional time capsule that injects itself into every thing happening now and it's brutal.

I also understand why your pets elicit stronger responses, after all, they've never abused you!

God Speed my friend, your baby knows you'll do right by him. Please give yourself permission to feel everything inside you, and please be comforted by the joy and happiness he so freely offered all these 15 years.

I'm sorry.

[SergeStorms]

12. In the words of Hunter S. Thompson...

"Buy the ticket, take the ride."

The ride always ends, though. It's inevitable. Remembering those who came before us is natural. It's all part of aging and facing what's yet to come. Someday our children and grandchildren will look at photos of us, remembering our brief existence on this plane. That, too, is inevitable. Why worry about the inevitable?

Don't let those thoughts linger. That leads to depression, and depression is worthless and fruitless. You'll be alright. We all go through it.

[RockCreek]

13. I don't know any details on you, your dog, and your dog's health.

I can just say that I have let multiple cats go, and cried harder for them than most people.
If your dog is 15, and it is his time, then I can just say what I have sensed with my cats; that just being there with them and comforting each other may be what they want most when they move on.
My eyes are tearing with my memories as I write this.

[littlemissmartypants]

14. We love you so much, LC. I wish I could do something to ease your pain.

Nothing prepares us for loss. Especially when we lose a companion that gives unconditional love.

I'm holding you in my heart. Stay encouraged.

We love you. ❤️

[Deuxcents]

15. We can hear your pain thru your words and as the others have said, we send our deepest sadness for you

As you are going thru this heartbreaking time. I believe our love for our furry family is a deep bond and different from our love for humans because the loss is so intense..they’re not just a pet but they are a part of us. I lost my Sweetheart, Angie, almost six years ago next week and I’m still not over her. They love us unconditionally and we return that connection to them. We’ll be waiting to hear how you and your good boy are doing and wishing the best for both of you. 🌺.

[FrankTC]

16. Trauma Is Cumulative

People become increasingly sensitized to repeated exposures to trauma over time. Trauma leads to changes in the brain. Earlier traumas make later traumas even harder to bear. Something that wouldn't be profoundly distressing the first time it happens can be profoundly distressing when it happens for the tenth time, or is preceded by nine different but also traumatic experiences. With multiple trauma exposures, people eventually reach a point where ordinary functioning, even in a familiar and safe environment, becomes difficult. It's not weakness, it's neurology. Sometimes people who have been knocked around by life can be helped by professionals who work with PTSD.

[Keepthesoulalive]

17. Grief is debilitating but don't try to man up

And deny it. In the last 20 years I have had to put down 10 dogs. I love giant breeds and each one ripped me apart but I accept the pain because they give me joy in a very difficult world. My current rescue has problems with joint pain and the vet gives him monthly shots, please ask your vet if it will help your doggie. Peace.

[Silver Gaia]

18. I hear you.

I am the only living member of my family left. My entire blood relation family is gone now, except for my daughter. And I lost my best friend, a 14 (almost 15) year old Border Collie, last December for very similar reasons. I felt euthanasia guilt for months because part of me felt I did not have the right to make that decision for her. It has been rough. My grief for her has been the deepest, and is still with me, but better now. So, you have my sympathies from a knowing place. If you need to talk to someone who has had similar experiences, I'm here for you. Just send me a message. Nonetheless, you have my understanding and support. Be well.

[mountain grammy]

19. Lucky, you're a god man..I've seen it many times in your posts..

Please don't be so hard on yourself.. you definitely do not deserve it..

My heart breaks for this moment and "good boy" You'll be running with the big dogs soon..

[Marthe48]

20. I'm sorry to hear your sad news

Losing unconditional love is the hardest loss. You and your good boy gave it your all and so you tumble further.

You and Sheltie have been in my prayers.

[AllaN01Bear]

21. with the elder gen gone in my family , my middle sis and i feel empty

[ShazamIam]

22. I am sorry you are experiencing this pain. I send love to you and your, good boy.

[hamsterjill]

23. Prayers said for your good boy.

I’m so sorry, Lucky. They are family and don’t deserve the suffering that they endure. I hope by the time you read this, you have received a miracle.

Good people deserve a miracle every once in a while.

[Eko]

24. My Dad died in 2014.

The main thing I took from that was that part of being human, being alive was loving someone so much that when they died it caused immense sorrow. That immense sorrow was part of loving someone and just as important as any of it. It was natural and something you were supposed to experience. That to never have that immense sorrow would never let you cherish the love you had like you are supposed to. So let yourself feel that immense sorrow, it doesn't make your life a performance or make you weak. It makes you human.
Keep on keeponing and a big hug to ya.
Eko.

[FakeNoose]

25. Your good boy is part of you, maybe even a big part of you

Remember the happy times....
Let him cross the Rainbow Bridge now and his pain will be gone.
And some happy day you'll see each other again.

[OldBaldy1701E]

26. You go ahead and 'dump' away.

I am still not over losing my two doggies and it has been almost twelve years since the first one passed.

I miss them every single day.

[MiHale]

27. In the same plane of existence...

My little buddy is getting bad. Legs giving out. Eyes with cataracts. But still is responsive to play…kinda.
This dog has literally saved my life twice. He still takes care of me .

[Prairie_Seagull]

28. Lucky, I am in your corner, all of us are.

Feeling for you both.

[chowder66]

29. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's always hard to lose a loved one, furry or not.

[buzzycrumbhunger]

30. I HATE that our furbabies have such a short lifespan...

It just doesn’t seem fair to either side of the equation.

Nothing is going to help but time. Can’t exactly replace parents so hang onto your wife and open your heart to another baby sooner rather than later because it’s the only thing that keeps us from pining over our lost ones. I’m sure there’s someone out there waiting for you when you’re ready (and probably least expect it).

[OAITW r.2.0]

31. This part of part of our life sucks, LC.

Been through losing all of the family. Now, I wonder when the hammer will drop on on me and the sibs. Cuz, it's going to happen...probably sooner than later.


https://music.

&si=brydbMr3SguKaax0

[Unwind Your Mind]

32. Oh sweet Lucky

I happen to be right there with you today. We are losing my sisters lovely beagle to cancer very soon, possibly tomorrow

And of course I’m thinking about all the dogs I have loved

So, try to focus on loving him as much as you can, try to make it easy for him, cook him some yummy things

I’ll be thinking about you

[a kennedy]

33. 🥰 ♥️ 🥰 ♥️ 🥰 ♥️

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs.

[Srkdqltr]

34. Hugs to you. I hope sharing your pain and sorrow helps you. We all will help by listening and hugs.

[Joinfortmill]

35. First, I prayed for you and your 'good boy'.

I'm just an old woman with no special insights, but I had a few thoughts while reading this. First, you are not weak. In my opinion you are strong to have endured 200 funerals as a child. You were also likely frightened, bewildered, and to a certain extent traumatized. I suspect you built a bit of a protective shield. Who wouldn't under those circumstances? Now you're older, the shield is cracking a bit and you're going to have to say goodbye to your good boy. Any person with an ounce of feeling would be weeping right now. God bless. Take care of yourself and I hope you have someone you can share your feelings with.

[LuckyCharms]

60. I think you have this right.

You say you're an old woman...well, old women have a lot of wisdom.

[Evolve Dammit]

36. I understand. Very similar experiences and emotions. Very painful.

[Kali]

37. emotions need to be felt

feel them, they make us human. good boy just loves you. you have to do what is right for you both, or rather all three of you. sorry it is so rough, but again if it wasn't so wrenching you would be a shitty person.

[TygrBright]

38. Holding you in my heart. You are NOT alone, many of us do understand. n/t

[S/V Loner]

39. I'm with you...

the death of my pets hits me way harder than humans. What goes through my mind is that this animal trusted me for everything in its life and now it is trusting me to put it down as I held him/her in my arms. Awful.

[Phoenix61]

40. I'm so sorry. Trauma is hard to deal with

especially by yourself. FrankTC is right, it's cumulative but it's never too late to get help. Healing can happen at any age.

[xuplate]

41. Please Google "can a dog's hind legs weaken from B 12 deficiency?"

If there is even a remote possibility that is what is going on it is worth looking into.

[MLAA]

42. You are not weak. It takes strength to let yourself feel and care for others the way you do.

Please try and remind yourself of this fact. 🩷

[SuzyandPuffpuff]

43. Previous profession...

Bcz of my previous profession I euthanized many pets and hard time cases. The majority of the cases owners would tell endearing stories about their pets. Antics. Silliness. I never felt bad bcz there's a moment for me as a medical professional that I could witness their moment of peace. I wish we could do this for humans. Good luck. It will be okay.

[NoMoreRepugs]

44. Hang in there LC.

[highplainsdem]

45. You're not weak, Lucky. You're strong, and caring, and because you care, saying goodbye to loved

ones is very painful.

We're here for you, and there are grief support groups online and off that can help. Including the Bereavement forum here.

I got two very important things from grief support groups. The first was the emotional support, the reminder that as hard as grieving is, we get through it, and people will help you through it.

The second was hearing so many stories, personal stories, of experiences people who were grieving had had to reassure them their loved ones are still very much alive on the other side, and there will be reunions, including with pets. I'm not religious - left the Catholic Church in my teens - but I believe because of all those personal stories I heard, and some experiences I had myself, that we all have those reunions to look forward to (and no religious beliefs or rituals are necessary, no matter what some authoritarian faiths try to teach). Believing that doesn't take away the pain of saying goodbye here, because it's still a separation. And we don't know how long that separation might be. But those ADCs (after-death communications that have nothing to do with mediums) and NDEs (near death experiences) are reminders that there is an afterlife. You might have had some ADCs yourself. I discovered with grief support groups that when people felt free to talk about their own experiences, quite a few people had stories to relate. Including about pets.

I wish you weren't facing having to say goodbye to your good boy soon. But I'm sure you will see him again.

[sprinkleeninow]

46. I have lent an ear...listened.

I'm still grieving my girl pup immensely.

Moreso than grieving my husband.

I found out that it is not unheard of.

I pray for you and yours for comforting peace and consolation.

Also, for you to hear some day:

+"Well done, good and faithful servant!"+

[SleeplessinSoCal]

47. Hopefully by purging and expressing, you're healing yourself.

❤️❤️❤️

[LoisB]

48. I feel all your pain and pray that The Universe gives you the strength to weather

this storm. We are with you.

[fxp1956]

49. Simple reply

You are not alone. It's a crappy roller coaster ride emotionally.

[pat_k]

50. We have an obligation to the companion animals we have invited to share our lives.

In my semi-retirement I started a little dog walking business. The hardest part is when one of my furry clients has reached the end of their life.

I've had clients express regret about waiting too long. I reassure them that they did the best they could. If they weren't ready sooner, they weren't ready. I'm sure they did the best they could.

I have never heard a client express regret that they chose to euthanize their beloved pet too soon.

Knowing that, if you are able, I would encourage you to act soon to give your beloved a pain-free passing. I think that doing this is both an obligation and perhaps the most important gift we can give a beloved companion animal.

If you are not able, you aren't able. I know that you are doing your best. And your pup knows how much you love him.

[LuckyCharms]

51. Since the pandemic...

there has been a severe shortage of vets in my area.
The closest one is an hour away, and neither one of us want to drive on backroads at night with our failing vision.

We are trying to keep him comfortable, and will bring him to the vet in the morning.

We are not strangers to this. We've had to put two beloved pets down before, he will be our third.

I'm grasping at straws trying to figure out how we can help him tonight. My wife has accepted the fact that he will most likely have to be put down.

It's ripping me apart because he is stoic, but his breathing is labored...so I know he is in pain.

[pat_k]

61. My partner and I spent a long night "camped" on our living room floor with our K.D. on her last night.

Blankets and pillows everywhere. It is a memory that will stay with me forever. I like to believe she rested more comfortably, somehow knowing it would be over soon, comforted by our presence.

The pain and closeness Dusty and I felt there with K.D. was so bittersweet. Something I would never hope to have to experience, but an incredibly special memory.

Your good boy knows you and your wife are there with him.

[LuckyCharms]

65. My wife is sleeping on the couch tonight...

while he is on the floor sleeping beside her.

He needs to be on a hard surface...he can't move on a mattress. I'm going to grab a pillow soon and lay on the floor with I'm tonight.

[pat_k]

70. May you all find connection and some peace tonight.

[TBF]

52. We lost 2 senior labs within days of each other a couple of years ago -

and the bigger male came to this exact point - he would not get up. Once we got him to the Vet the next day, they said he had a big mass in his abdomen and they wouldn't recommend operating because he was already 13 years old and very sick. Just keep him comfortable tonight and enjoy this time w/him. You are doing your best for him, and I can tell you've been an amazing pet owner.

[UpInArms]

53. My wonderful Lucky

Your heart is so big … I am so fortunate to be on this planet with you

You truly are one of the most special of people … I can only wish there were more people just like you. The world would be so much kinder.

My arms are always around you 🫂🫂🫂

[LuckyCharms]

58. Sometimes...

We just need someone to tell us that we're good people.

That's all.

That's all we need.

That's what makes us feel better.

Thank you.

I'm fortunate to be on this planet with you as well.

[BigmanPigman]

54. Loosing my 17 year old baby a year after my Dad

suddenly died has had me grieving for 6 years. The pain never goes away. Do not force it and do NOT listen to those who tell you that "you should do so and so to bet over it" in a time frame. They are not supporting you...ignore them! Everyone grieves in their own way and time, no 2 are alike.

Both of my dogs visited me after they died and my dad did twice. One still visits me and I always feel glad afterwards. Visits from pets happen a lot more often than people realize. Too many are afraid to admit it since they may be called "crazy". I've found this out over the past few years of research and personal accounts. I could DU Mail you info if you'd like.

I am with you with love and empathy. I KNOW what hell is and it's loosing our 4 legged babies is sheer hell.

[Trueblue Texan]

77. I would like that information , Bigman...

I think I had one visit from my good boy a couple of weeks after he died. God, I miss him. I gotta quit talking about it now. But if you can will you please send me that info too?

[Permanut]

55. I hear ya..

I've walked at least part of a mile in those shoes.

I'm 80, the last survivor of my family. No kids, Sister didn't have any either.

You have a huge heart, and you are doing your best for doggie. That is so hard.

My little partner of 39 years is my rock, and I think I am hers. So we are blessed in that way.

As a 32 year member of AA I have found that sometimes I need to focus on just today.

All my best to you, LuckyCharms. Or maybe not so lucky today.

[LuckyCharms]

66. 34 years for me...

And I'm so proud of her tonight.

She cries pretty much every day over world events, and I console her daily.

But in this situation, she is stronger than me...and I'm so proud of her for picking up the slack when I am unable to.

Her words to me tonight: "You have no idea of the tough times you brought me through, and I will do the same for you now".

[Scrivener7]

56. I'm so sorry. I have no suggestions, just a sincere wish you find some relief

and a way back to lightness.

[annielion]

57. I'm so sorry for your pain

I have been grieving. I bought "How to Carry What Can't be Fixed: A Journal for Grief"" by Megan Devine. She also wrote the book "It's OK That You're Not OK." She feels grief is not a problem to be solved, but rather an experience to be carried. This is helping me.

[Lifeafter70]

59. I hear and see you

Sending warm and healing thoughts your way.
Please take care of yourself, if you need someone to listen pm me anytime

[Faux pas]

62. Sending you my

famous bestest healing vibes LuckyCharms!

[Exp]

63. I'm so sorry. Knowing that life is HARD when people actually care about people and animals and life on earth doesn't

make it all that much easier.

Please let the grief pass through, don't grow numb.

[cate94]

64. I'm both sorry and I completely understand

You are very kind and loving person. Grief is the price of love my friend, and the pain is cumulative with more losses. Letting go of my fur babies was the hardest act of love I’ve ever done.
I am so sorry for your pain

[JoseBalow]

67. Keep on doing your best, amigo

One step at a time

[coprolite]

69. Sorry to hear you are loosing another member of your family

Pets become important members of our families, our best friends, our companions. They learn our moods, our habits and schedules like we learn their daily habits and schedules. It hurts to lose a pet, cherish the memories and the pain soon fades.

I hope all goes well my friend.

[debm55]

71. My dear sweet LuckyCharms , I will continue to keep you in my rosary prayers. . Love, debm55

[waterwatcher123]

72. Life is by no means fair or easy. Take it easy on yourself because you have given it your all .

[Tanuki]

73. You don't have to know what to do.

You are surrounded by love, so just let yourself float on it for now. You are stronger than you know, but trust your wife when she tells you that she's got this one and that she will pull you through this heartbreaking time just as you have pulled her through in those moments when she was the one in need. When my dad died, there were times when I felt that my dearest friends were like the dolphins in the legends of shipwrecked sailors, pushing me up to the surface and guiding me safely to the shore when I felt like I was sinking. Your wife and your friends, here and in real life, will do the same for you. I am praying hard for you, your wife, and your beloved puppy dog. He knows that he too is surrounded by love tonight, just has he has always been since he came into your life. I wish I could take away the sadness, but the best I can do is to remind you that you will experience happiness and peace again. That is what I truly believe, and what you just as truly deserve, dear Lucky Charms.

[Bayard]

74. Big hugs, and a shoulder to cry on for you, Lucky

I've lost so many fur babies over the years, and it always pains me greatly. I love my kids. I've also lost my big brother and best friend, two sisters, and both parents. We were close.... So much loss can be very hard to cope with for anybody.

Can you give your boy an aspirin? That's about as good as anything. If he won't take it in a hotdog or piece of cheese, hold his mouth open and two finger it down his throat (while telling him it will make him feel ever so much better, and he's the bestest boy ever.) Try to keep him as comfortable as possible till you can get to the vet tomorrow. Focus positive healing and loving thoughts on him. He knows how sad you are.

Please keep us posted. Most of us have been where you are, and we're with you.

[yardwork]

75. Listen, LuckyCharms.

You are loved. Right here on this site you are loved by hundreds, maybe thousands of people. Real people who love you for who you are.

Your kindness, your empathy, your strength and grit and humor. We love you.

For who you are. A good person.

[Trueblue Texan]

76. I am saying a prayer for you...

I don't really pray, but I know some of the pain you are feeling and so I will send healing thoughts for you. I lost my good boy last month and my heart breaks all over again every time I think of him. I seem to grieve the hardest for my pets too--maybe something is wrong with me, but I've just had so much more quality time with them than people--I get so close to them. I am so sorry you're having to process yet another loss when you've not even found a way to live with so many other losses. Lately I have been just not allowing myself to cry because it only makes me cry more and I end up feeling worse than if I had never let the tears flow. It seems to help--for a while anyway. I also have a 15 year old dog--she's the mother of the one I lost last month. I tell myself when I lose her, it won't be as bad as losing Emo--I loved him more than life. But I knew this was going to be the year I'd lose them both. You are right, life can be so damned tragic. I guess the best we can do at times like this is to know there are some people who care and who would relieve you of your pain if they could. And if I could, I surely would, LuckyCharms. Take care. I am thinking of you and sending healing thoughts for you and your good boy.

[orangecrush]

78. My heart goes out to you

[BlueSpot]

79. I don't really know you aside from your posts but..

I'd be willing to bet that you gave your good boy the best life he could have ever had. He knows you love him and he's going to trust you with this, no matter what. You've always done right by him and you're going to do it again, no matter how much it hurts. And that's why he always believed in you.

I'm very sorry for your suffering, but always know you did everything you could for your buddy. All he could ask and more. Forgive yourself, because you are not doing anything wrong here. You're just squeezing out that last little bit of love.

[slightlv]

80. I feel the pain and love in your post

And I'm so sorry, LC. I've lost so many cats through the years as well as a border collie and a most excellent leonburgher... the latter on xmas day 10 years ago. As he was a helper companion the loss was truly acute.

A couple of decades ago I had several rescues who found me. They were all about the same age and they're all approaching the age where I'll lose one right after another. I have no idea how I'll live thru it. It will tear me to pieces. I love these babies so very much.

I'm just an old woman now, contemplating my own mortality and not handling it so well, IMO. What was the point and did I pass muster? As a Vietnam veteran did i still stay true to my humane nature? What comes next... a grand new adventure or simple nothingness? These are things that occupy my mind, even as I make sure any of my babies who survive me are taken care of. But gods LC, I so feel your pain and loss.please be kind to yourself and know how very dear you are to those of us here. Many hugs...

[HeartsCanHope]

81. I'm ao sorry, Lucky Charms.

You've been through so much. Sending you love and light. Please give your sweet baby

some "loves" from me. Will be thinking of you and your furbaby.