Just venting. I'm worn out.

[Pacifist Patriot]

I've applied to 300 jobs since October 06, 2020. I read the job posting carefully. If I can't do every last one of the responsibilities and don't tick every single qualification box, I don't apply. I just don't. No punching above my weight. No lying about what I can do or what experience I have. Totally honest. My job history is stable and progressive, experience is pretty deep, my competencies spot on, my certifications highly desirable, and my track record of success solid and demonstrable in my professional field. No, I'm not a super star, but I'm no slouch either. I get the job done and I get it done really really well. I care about the quality of my work and the people I serve.

I've had my resume scrutinized and revised by two professional resume companies. I actually think it's been a pretty impressive resume since January as these things go. I should know. I'm in human resources. Oh sorry. People Operations these days. If I've seen one resume over the last decade, I've seen a thousand. Mine's damn good actually.

Only 15 companies out of 300 have even wanted to talk to me at all. By some miracle, five of those fifteen companies passed me on through the process to the final damn interview (ranging from three to eight founds of interviews) and .... I lost the job to the other person in the final round every single time. I can't seem to stretch my chest out to break the tape and cross the finish line first.

I'm fucking miserable. The environment at my company is beyond toxic. I wouldn't even know where to start to describe the dysfunctional mess I have to face each and every day. Because of one single manipulative narcissist. I cry myself to sleep at night and do everything I can not to vomit before going into the office each morning. But the golden handcuffs are tight. I have bills to pay and kids in college and too many people I can't let down.

I know this forum is for career help and advice, but really all I need at this point is to let it out. I've had career help and advice from all directions and it's all good and all useless at the same damn time. I know I could be such a phenomenal asset to a company serious about having a culture of diversity and inclusion, a team environment of safety and trust dedicated to instilling a sense of belonging. I just don't believe they actually exist. They say they do. I'll have to see it to believe it.