I'm done my treatment, and I feel worse than ever.

[Evoman]

I posted quite a long time ago. Over a year ago I was diagnosed with Stage 3 colon cancer. I got my surgery, radiation and chemotherapy. I finished my chemo about 4 months ago and I've been "clear" ever since.

I've been feeling quite sad lately, but things took a turn for the worst last week. I had an appointment with my oncologist about a week ago and, for some stupid reason, asked him how many of my lymph nodes had been infected. Basically, in stage 3 colon cancer, survival rates can be as high as 64 percent in Stage 3A, to as low as 30-some with Stage 3c cancer. Stage 3c is categorized as having more than 4 lymph nodes infected.

I had 23 of 26 lymph nodes they checked infected. I'm stage 3c, and I'm scared as hell. Lately, it seems like the only thing I can do is cry. I'm only 33 for gods sakes, and I feel so down.

I don't know if I'll get a reoccurance, but the chances of it happening seem so high. How do I deal with this? I feel like I should be happy that I'm in the clear, but all I can think about is having to go through this all over again. I had such a rough time, I have no savings....I don't know if I can do it.

Cancer sucks so bad......