Chronic Pain.

[cali]

It scares me just to type those words. I'm hoping like hell that I don't have to live with this on and on and on. It's been 3 months now and every day I'm in pain. My heart goes out to those of you who live in pain year after year. In the morning when I get up- and the pain wakes me up early, I just live with it as long as I can, usually for several hours and then I cave and take a fucking percocet. I hate that shit. I hate the way it makes me feel- just off kilter, but I hate the pain more. It just drives me nuts. I'm not sure if it actually gets worse or just I can't tolerate it after a certain point.

It seems so silly. I broke my leg. All this from a broken leg. Ok, a fucking very badly segmental and compound fracture of the tibia and a segmental fracture of the fibula that resulted in hours of surgery and the placement of a titanium rod in the middle of the tibia from ankle to knee with all the attendant hardware (4 big honking nails).
three months on the the bones are still in the process of healing.

But the pain and the swelling are frustratingly constant and often startlingly ntense. If I "overdo" one day, I'm incapacitated for 4. Anyway, it's not the broken bones that are the main culprit when it comes to pain; it's the soft tissue and nerve damage.

I feel like a whiner. I keep telling myself to just get over it- and when I have a good day or a good period in a day, I'm so damned happy and relieved. I always think: "I'm turning the corner", but then the comes roaring back or sneaking back and I feel like I'm stuck.

I don't know what else to say and I'm not even sure why I'm posting this beyond complaining, something I don't do much of in real life because what the hell are people supposed to say if they ask you how you are and you tell them you're in horrid pain?