My wife was a counselor by profession, so I was all too familiar with the stages of grief. Like most everyone who has to make this journey, I fell right in line with most of them. Shock? Oh yeah! Not sure how long it took for the shock to wear off, but wasn't too long. Protest? Sure. I had some anger issues, even though I really did not recognize them myself. The anger was not directed at anything in particular, I think I was just angry that she had been taken away and my ideal life had been shattered. And, of course I yearned for the life we had built.
Disorganization? You bet! I experienced all of the symptoms of this stage. Depression and withdrawal were especially hard, as was the loneliness. Then the reorganization kicked in. I did seek the understanding of death, how it had affected me and how I could overcome it's toll.
Then, I made it to the recovery stage. I accepted my situation and took steps to improve my life because I know she would have wanted me too. Finally, after three years, I was ready to move on. I know some take less time, some more, but we all have to make that journey and see what lies ahead for us. This stage, I believe, began when I was finally ready to accept someone else into my life. For three years I had isolated myself, avoiding almost all socialization except taking care of my elderly parents. Then, I finally decided it was time to date again, or at least try to meet someone. I did, and the healing at that point became accelerated. The loneliness went away, the depression went away and I began to actually enjoy life a little.
Now, I know what happiness is again. I know what it feels like to love and be loved. If you haven't made it this far yet, don't worry, the time will come. It's there for the taking but one has to acquire the desire to seek it out, and we all move at our own pace. I'm thankful for the many years we shared and cherish the memories we made, but now realize that life is for the living and "waiting is the opposite of living". I'm alive, and my goal is to experience life and make it as enjoyable as I possibly can.
I can never forget the folks in this group. You helped me thru the most difficult time in my life. Just so you know, the articles you post, the wisdom you share, and the love you share here are soooo appreciated! Bless you all who have had to take this journey and may the remainder of your days be joyous!
Uben
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