i lived in my house for 51 years and 4 months

[orleans]

10. thanks for the good advice

and believe it or not, i have met the "neighbors" -- i do know their names, i have introduced myself to them, and i actually have smiled and waved.

(but at this point, it's all for show--i'm unhappy here, don't want to be here, i want my fu*king life back. and i feel like it's gone, and i loved it--and it breaks my fucking heart)

hopefully i'll "get over it" and adjust. i probably will. but for now--i hate it here -- i feel trapped and stuck, i feel like a prisoner in this place. this will never be my "home"

that expression "you can never go home again" is horribly accurate for me.

i *should* do something for myself. that's a good idea. although i have no idea what it would be.

...but it gives me something to think about.