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PoindexterOglethorpe

(27,922 posts)
26. You are in an impossible situation.
Fri Mar 17, 2017, 02:40 AM
Mar 2017

It's obvious to the most casual observer that he needs help, but he's refusing it. You are doing what you can to help out, but you are (to coin a phrase) no spring chicken yourself and can only help so much.

Others have made some good suggestions. Adult Protective Services may be your best option.

People of his generation tend to be incredibly stubborn about accepting help, especially about anything connected to these aging issues. I think it's in large part because thirty or so years ago when their parents got old, the options were mostly awful, and too many of them went into dreadful nursing homes, something people like your dad is desperate to avoid.

For those of us somewhat younger (and I'm 68 myself), we've been through or are going through what you've described, and we are determined to avoid it ourselves. Meanwhile, people like yourself are still dealing with extremely elderly parents, and there's no good solution.

In such circumstances I would often advise someone to tell a person (your dad in this case) that you won't help out until he acknowledges that he needs help. That's so easy to say, and of course it doesn't address the very real family dynamics at work here. All you can do is to keep on pushing him to accept appropriate help.

I can only offer sympathy and compassion and hope it all works out in the end.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

Have you tried looking into the COPES MFM008 Mar 2017 #1
thank you, I will do that...but... Alameda Mar 2017 #3
This message was self-deleted by its author Maru Kitteh Dec 2018 #34
That's a Washington State Medicaid program. nt marybourg Mar 2017 #5
Yes MFM008 Mar 2017 #27
How about if you offer to do their shopping/banking for them? marybourg Mar 2017 #2
tried that...no way will he accept it. Alameda Mar 2017 #6
Well then you may just have to wait it out. marybourg Mar 2017 #11
Great advice Rorey Mar 2017 #13
He is obviously stubborn, but what a guy! 99 and he's still able to pay his bills, drive a car and Doodley Mar 2017 #14
Yes he is strong, very strong... Alameda Mar 2017 #17
I am sorry to hear that. I have been through it myself. Do they have any means Doodley Mar 2017 #19
Yes, they have means....but don't want to spend it. Alameda Mar 2017 #21
Yes there are advantages to being a vet, but does he have any diagnosed illnesses that Doodley Mar 2017 #23
He gets belligerent Alameda Mar 2017 #24
Anger feels like power ginnyinWI Mar 2017 #28
Been there Rorey Mar 2017 #4
This is the internet and I'm a stranger tirebiter Mar 2017 #7
Life is terminal Rorey Mar 2017 #10
Do they have any money or equity? If so, maybe assisted living or a retirement home Doodley Mar 2017 #8
We just put my dad in hospice gwheezie Mar 2017 #9
I am sorry to hear that about your father. I hope they take good care of him. Doodley Mar 2017 #12
thank you for your response Alameda Mar 2017 #18
It's a huge relief gwheezie Mar 2017 #22
the worst thing is not knowing how long... ginnyinWI Mar 2017 #29
So sorry for your situation. I know it must be difficult. 58Sunliner Mar 2017 #15
Hang in there 🙂 Snackshack Mar 2017 #16
My father had in home hospice care during his last years with dementia Freethinker65 Mar 2017 #20
Get power of attorney asap tirebiter Mar 2017 #25
He won't give it to me Alameda Jul 2018 #32
You are in an impossible situation. PoindexterOglethorpe Mar 2017 #26
I can identify with your situation. cpamomfromtexas Mar 2017 #30
Everyone thank you for your sympathy and advice.... Alameda Mar 2017 #31
My stepmother passed away Alameda Jul 2018 #33
Hello Alameda. narnian60 Dec 2018 #35
adult protective services can actually help... Trueblue Texan Jan 2020 #36
Latest Discussions»Support Forums»Elder-caregivers»trying to help/deal with,...»Reply #26