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Elder-caregivers

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Maraya1969

(23,275 posts)
Mon Jun 11, 2018, 08:05 AM Jun 2018

My mom has been in several facilities because of a stroke and then because [View all]

she had brain trauma from falling on her head the day before Hurricane Irma, (I posted about this when it happened).

Anyway at the last place she was in she became loud and sometimes violent. Because she has Aphasia she would only repeat the words, "I don't know" over and over. I read that this is a phrase many people with Aphasia say. But she was obviously distressed. I spoke with the psychiatrist and they ended up putting her on a tranquilizer which has worked very well.

So now she is at an assisted living memory care place with only 6 residents. One of the residents often yells over and over, "Help me, Help me" I have been with my mom watching TV when this other woman started up and my mom was obviously uncomfortable and wanted to leave, which I helped her do.

So on Sat. I went there and my mom was in bed trying to take a nap. The other woman was sitting in the kitchen which is right outside my mom's bedroom and wouldn't stop saying, "Help me" and maybe some other things that I didn't understand. I went out and looked at her and she seemed very distressed. Then I ended up closing my mom's door and played music for her over my phone so she didn't have to hear the other woman. I also asked them that in the future, when my mom goes in for a nap that they shut her door and was told that they couldn't do that because they had to keep an eye on her.

So I just called this morning and spoke with the nurse/manager and told her how upsetting is was and how I did not think it fair that my mother had to be medicated to stop her from outbursts but this woman had them all day long and they seem to do nothing about it. I also told them that the woman seems like she is in real distress.

I was told, "She has an illness". Well so do a lot of people. That doesn't mean you can't give them something to help them and to help the people around them. I said some things to that effect and the nurse/manager hung up on me! So I called right back and one of the workers answered the phone and said, "She just stepped out" and then I got really mad and said, "I know she is there, she is probably listening to this!"

Then I told them I would report them to the proper authorities if something was not done about this.

Yea I lost my cool. I often do. I got off the phone and called the Department of Children and Families and they gave me a number for an Ombudsman. The woman I spoke to there understood my concerns.

But now I am afraid that if I call the Ombudsman and they go over to do a check it will fall back on my mom's treatment. I don't give a shit what they think of me, I do care what they think of my mother.

I am asking if anyone knows about these things. I never thought that the other woman might be the one who is suffering from abuse by allowing her to yell all day long and not getting medical help for her.

I do seem to piss a lot of people off because I am a fierce advocate for my mother and I think some people resent it. But I have been dealing with hospitals and nursing homes for almost a year now and it seems as if I stay quiet nothing will happen.

If anyone has any ideas I would greatly appreciate it.

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